Who-What-Why-Where-How Am I?
Some random views of myself...
I'm a 52-yo Aussie divorced dad (happily single) of three handsome sons, & enjoy a great sense of absurd humour ie. The Goons & Python!
I love listening to and playing music as well, especially British '60's stuff like The Beatles.
I'm presenting live-to-air radio/internet programs....
I perform live acoustic solo music as "Lancelot's Pram", and have now released a music CD album as well.
I enjoy listening - to the sounds around me (taking a moment to stop and 'listen' to the roses?!?).
An 'INFJ'/'INFP', and a deeply-flawed human being,
I also love to read a good novel, biography, or Robert Lowell's poetry.
I socially sail. My dream was to spend quality time in Hydra, Greece.
I am a flawed human being I used to believe in happiness, the joy of life - an idealist
... nowdays I am but a hollow shell of the person I once was...
... I've always tried ... tho a lot of who I am has been misunderstood, stolen or rejected...
... my heart & spirit have been 'taken for a ride' too many times...
... I feel scooped-out until virtually nothing of value remains...
"She was told, when she was young, that pain would lead to pleasure,
Did she understand it when they said,
That a man must break his back to earn his day of leisure?
Will she still believe it when he's dead?"
What makes me "tick"? My "Core Values":
Unconditional Love Loyalty Friendship Compassion / Empathy Sense of Humour Flexibility Integrity Respect Trust Honesty Acceptance Reliability
My Personal Life Motto: "Live and Love Beyond"
I'd rather "be" me first, rather than "do" something that makes me "be" me.
Age: 2016 will be my 52nd year on this planet - gosh! Time flies when you're... ?
; Hair: Dark Blonde; Hair Length: shorter than it has been in 10 years! By the end of 2001 I had cut 14-inches off its' length! 99% of the time it's kept in a short clean neat'n'tidy ponytail. When I used to play in Surprise, it would take me an hour to crimp it! Currently wearing glasses (I'm classically short-sighted) and a short beard and mo. No tats. No piercings. My left testicle is the larger one, as is my left ear-lobe.
Born in Paddington, Sydney, NSW, Australia, 1 month after The Beatles had toured out here, in the Chinese 'Year of the Dragon'. I was conceived 1 month before JFK was assassinated (right on the boundary between Baby Boomers and Baby Busters!) Altho I don't 'believe' in the Zodiac, I'm told I'm a "Leo". My Favourite Things: My family - my 3 most precious sons, aged 22, 19 and 17. I love you guys endlessly! Yes, I'm one proud papa.
Sex: Yes please (D'oh!)
...true-blue 100% Heterosexual Aussie Male.
Weight: Sits around 90-ish kg. I'm currently 89kg or 197 pounds - but I'm happy even with a few extra pounds... no, not really... but hey, I'm not
Height: 5' 10" - in metric? Hmmm...let me try to convert that...7,429.95 cm - does that sound right to you?!? Or is it 178 cm?!?
sits on 28.
I'm now officially a 'divorced dad
' as from 18th November, 2002 (Decree Nisi 19 December 2002
) - singleness not being something I had anticipated nor planned on becoming at the age of 38.
I'm happily single
I've spent 18 of the last 20 years living
, NSW, Australia (about 200km west of Sydney). Over the past few decades, I have lived in Warwick (Qld), Gosford, Narara, Bathurst, Ilford, Sydney, Manly... tho I grew up in Allambie Heights
in Sydney. I never want to live in a big city ever again. I have a fun highly-warped yet playful sense-of-humour that loves to delve into random absurdity. This aspect of me is a huge part of my psyche. "You've gotta laugh, otherwise you'll disturb the neighbours with your screaming..."
I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs (boring, huh? hahahaa). Favourite Food: Cheese sandwich and strawberry milkshake (a childhood and life-long fav); Hot chip butties; cream-centered Lamingtons; Tacos - thanx Drew (but - not all at the same meal!) Yes, I have simple tastes... my 'gut' doesn't appreciate such diversity as it once did, dagnammit.
Favourite colour: Orange - it's a bright, joyful, happy, refreshing and natural colour. Totally useless to use about the house for anything tho... but it has a delightful vibe.
I adore watching lightning-storms
light-up the night-time sky. Heaven's 'fireworks'...
I still adore laying on my back in the middle of a pitch-black paddock or deserted beach in the middle of nowhere, gazing up into the stars and into infinity...22 ÷7 = Pi ...July 2005 saw me finally with a telescope - for the first time in about 30 years!
I appreciate times of isolation - I need time by myself to emotionally 'recharge' after being surrounded by lots of people, but I also adore company - to be entertained by peoples' natural talent to just be themselves.
I am a loyal team-player and not necessarily a good leader. I am a facilitator of others. In other words, I thrive best working with a group of people striving towards a common goal. That's why I really enjoy playing music in a band, because it's a team situation. I find it strangely difficult to be as open and honest and to make new friends - unlike I used to be
. I highly value 'trust', yet I have experienced the painful agony of a few key people in my life who have let me down relationally big
My 'best man', who I rarely speak to (rather, I can never reach him!), has very keenly observed (correctly) that I only let people know what I want to let them know about me. This comes down to my loss of trust in people. I am either a highly-complex individual, or a very simple person - I swing between the 2, I think. No, I think I am an intelligent simpleton As you may gather, altho it fluctuates, I struggle with a poor self-image sometimes. Although - I like me. Yes, I do like me.
I've been suffering various debilitating health issues
on-and-off over the last few years, mainly thanks to my bodys' inability to cope with the long-term stress it underwent
over the 2000's. Ongoing current health issues include MS
, continuing depressive episodes
, anxiety/panic attacks
, Ulcerative Colitis
, nasal polyps
, sleep apnea
, eight (so far) kidney stones... that'll do... As I have spent most of my life reasonably healthy overall, these recent setbacks have come as a heart-breaking-shock to my psyche.
Experiencing a wholly-random blood clot in the lung in early 2010 (and another in early 2016) was NO fun either... nor was a debilitating heel spur
(both now cleared, thankfully)...
I have some physical scarring after a severe case of eczema
bought on by the whole stress of events early in the 2000's. Yes, there are
some bald patches up there, as a result...
I am an "INFP" - introverted, intuitive, feeling perceiver (ie. Meyers-Briggs). How that applies is another whole webpage! I often make things hard for myself - I am often my own worst enemy when it comes to making some decisions. I am continuing to work thru this as I get older. It's one of the 'side-effects' of the crippling depression and anxiety, which is a right pain-in-the-ass sometimes... I often act lazy. It is not my intention to be so, tho. (Note: I didn't say I 'am' lazy) ... I'm under ongoing medication for clinical bi-polar depression since 2001-2002. (Now I'm on 'Effexor')... I continue to seek regular professional medical assistance with this area of my life. After suffering the horrible personality-effects of depression for most of my adult life, plus seeking (debatibly-ineffective) prayer ministry and counseling - I NOW find out it was all caused by something as simple as a 'chemical imbalance'! D'oh! 25 years' worth of gray-hair, sleepless-nights and wrinkles all for nothing... The effects of anxiety and panic attacks have slowly started to become more acute for me, over the past few years, which have decreased my ability to be as open and available as I used to be. 99% of people will have absolutely no idea that I suffer with this, as I usually just have to wear a 'mask' and battle on, appearing as 'normal' as I can.
The deliberate emotional bullying thrown at me, from an un-named radio station in QLD, has negatively affected my psyche. Yes, it was that nightmarish. If I have ever contemplated suicide, the main reasons that have stopped me are i) the boys, and ii) that someone has to 'discover' me afterwards. Neither option is fair or just for anyone-else. 'nuff said.
Some times, my horrid manic-depressive episodes have seen me contemplate the awful mechanics of suicide in a very harsh black-and-white light. The last episode saw me spending some time in a Mental Health Care Centre for a short while. Scary times that most people don't know how to cope with as my friends, understandably. I have always been told that it's always better to seek help with these things - and I have... even tho other people have walked away from me as a result of me seeking help in these matters at critical times.
And yes, I am a sensitive son-of-a bitch! It can only take one negative word to bring me right down - yet one simple word of encouragement can propel me upwards and onwards for a whole week! I've discovered that most people (of all shapes and persuasions) can be right @$$holes, when it suits them. I've always assumed there is good in people, however as I grow older in years, I've observed less and less 'goodness' in most people. Very unsettling.
I'm not enjoying feeling as though I'm turning into a "grumpy old fart" somedays!
On 22 January 2017, I was diagnosed as having "mild MS
" (Multiple Sclerosis, a disease of the nervous system).
I've only travelled outside Australia once, as a c.11-yo to New Zealand with my parents for a 2-week package holiday. The only 2 Australian states I haven't been to yet are WA & Tasmania. The most remote place I think I've been to is Lightning Ridge, or maybe Silverton (near Broken Hill), or maybe Ularu and The Olgas. Hmmm...
I plan to watch a sunset over the ocean sometime before I die - being on the east coast, I've seen scores of sunrises over the ocean! I've always wanted to do that with someone very special...hmmm... One of my all-time fav places is a spot in the middle of nowhere, just north of Port Stephens in NSW, called Mungo Brush. There is nothing there (which is why I like it), except a lake, sand dunes and a c.20km beach! But, a close second is Rainbow Bay & Snapper Rocks, just on the other side of the QLD border!
I would love to travel and spend some time on the island of Hydra in Greece. It looks absolutely gorgeous, plus my favourite authors spent many years living there. Altho, the practical reality is that it will not happen. But it's nice to dream.
While I don't mind travelling to visit new or familiar places, I'm usually quite content to be a 'home-body'.
Most Painful Experience: Separation - and now divorce - from my wife of 10 years - absolute purgatory. BUT - there is light afterwards - purgatory does not last forever...future happiness is possible now..."leaving the past behind, and pressing on towards the goal..."
Continuing Painful Experience - being physically separated from my three precious sons. I miss so much just being with them 24/7. I am trying to have an (external) continuing relationship with my sons, as hard and painful as that is at times, and as difficult as that is being made for me to have. I have lost my mind thanks to this.
I have a sense of inner peace, despite of this, that I know my sons are living and surrounding by a loving, caring, nurturing and supportive family environment, and I simply couldn't be happier for them. I simply adore and treasure my sons. They are my joy and delight.
Two very special, precious and positive years of my life were spent alongside someone who was, in so-many ways, my soul-mate. Alas, twas not supposed to be. "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never..."
Favourite Car: Datsun 120Y - my very first car, with a top speed of 85 km/h!!! Until recently, I have been driving a blue '93 Mitsubishi Lancer. I'm currently driving a Ford Telstar.
What form of transport did my family have at the age of 12? Dad had a white (tho rusty) Holden Kingswood Station-wagon; before that, he used to have a pale-green VW Beetle - a car-load of 12 boy-scouts physically bent the chassis! Poor "Herbie"!
My brother's pet hobby is genealogy / family trees - I have a direct relative who arrived in Australia on the 2nd Fleet in 1789 as a convict. The family were originally from Scotland, then Ireland. My great great Grandfather's name was 'Cornelius' - poor sod!
I bailed-out half-way-thru my HSC final high school year in 1982, hence only achieving my School Certificate in 1980.
I enjoy researching information, but often it's of no practical worth - ie. forms of trivia. That's probably why I enjoy studying so much... and researching for the radio programs! Haha.
I completed a 3-year A.C.T. Diploma of Theology (Evangelism) in 1996 - a very personally-satisfying achievement for me (the sociology aspects are still relevant, yet most of the rest is now useless to me).
My 'passion' is to "help and facilitate" other people - I'd love to teach adults (ie. Adult Education and Training). I was beginning to move towards that... I was formally accepted, thru the University of New England, to do a Bachelor of Education in Adult Education and Training full-time in 2003/04.
The 'plan' (after Uni in 2004) was to become a workplace trainer or assessor - assisting people fulfill their work-potential more effectively. Teachings' still my 'passion', plus it'll be 'helping' people - this'll be something based on job-satisfaction, not just the bucks! Whoo hoo!
After a hiatus in 2005, I undertook a Certificate IV in Assessment & Workplace Training - Nationally Accredited training.
I'm emotionally devastated that, due to an awful situation back in the mid-1980's (in combination with negative aspects of my health), I'm not able to teach. This is a life-debilitating blow for me.
Favourite Band: The Beatles - any 1960's British pop/rock, really. I can't go too fast past Crowded House, either... but here's a list...
Other fav music I enjoy listening to include...
* The Beatles
* The Rolling Stones
* The Who
* Bob Dylan
* Pink Floyd
* The Byrds
* Led Zeppelin
* Crowded House
* Neil Finn
I enjoy playing music 'with a passion', including guitar (acoustic, classical, electric), bass (electric, fretless, acoustic and double), piano/keyboards, drums, vocals, and arranging too. I've written a few songs... I taught myself to play guitar after locking myself away in my bedroom as a teenager, chugging along to all those Beatles' LP's.
I finally recorded and released my first solo album "Lancelot's Pram" in mid-2009... it only took me twenty years to be able to do it!
I have a natural gift/talent for being able to play music 'by ear' - I can listen to something once or twice,, and usually play it. I have an annoying 'habit' of usually being able to tell the pitch/key of a song or note! I'm a really-rusty sight-reader tho - I can 'read the dots', but it's a slow and arduous process nowadays (Every Good Boy Deserves Fruit & FACE) - D'oh!.
I've collected over 500 music CD's these days... listening to music is a big part of my psyche. I've over 3,000 music albums digitized as well!
One of the joyfully-unexpected upshots of all this is that now I'm involved presenting live-to-air/internet radio programs. This is something I wish I'd been doing 20 years ago - it's come to me very naturally, which is quite surprising to me - I lived with a rather awful speech impediment as a child.
I love to create, including creative writing with poetry, short stories and novellas.
I loved to sketch, and wish I'd learnt how to 'paint'. I'm enjoying rediscovering the lost 'art' of colouring-in!
I love to read... a good novel, autobiography or modern history. My mum instilled a passion for reading in me at a young age, for which I'm eternally grateful. I have an eclectic library of books, and local libraries are fun!
(*) George Johnston (1912-1970) - ('My Brother Jack', 'Clean Straw For Nothing', 'The Far Road' - you MUST read 'The Far Road' b4 you die!!!).
(*) Charmian Clift (1923-1969) - ('Peel Me a Lotus' etc)
(*) Homer ('The Illiad', 'The Odyssey')
(*) Now having re-read Tolkien, I have the greatest respect and admiration for his work.
(*) Robert Lowell (1917 - 1977) - 'Life Studies', 'For the Union Dead', 'Notebook', 'The Dolphin'...
Being a 'visual' person, I love movies, but strangely - I don't watch much TV. I'd prefer a documentary, or something blatantly silly, rather than suffer thru a lot of current rubbish mindless TV programming.
Favourite movies include...
* Laurence of Arabia
* Dead Poets' Society
* One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
* Rear Window
* Empire of the Sun
* Steel Magnolias
* Lord of the Rings
* Schindler's List
* The Pianist
* Saving Private Ryan
* Austin Powers
* Wallace and Gromit
* Chicken Run
* The Incredibles
* Princess Bride
* Groundhog Day
* A Hard Days' Night
* Fawlty Towers
* The Simpsons
My parents tried to do everything for me growing up [that was their way of showing they loved and cared...] - hence I have had some difficulty accepting personal responsibility with some things sometimes. BUT - I've "grown-up" now...!!
After M had been in labour for 32 hours, and JD could've died before he was even born, I finally went home and wept uncontrollably - I had felt so helpless.
Then there was 4-month-old SJ in hospital for 16 days with meningitis, with a central-line going straight into his heart... unspeakable ouchies inside for a helpless dad...
I have nearly accidentally drowned at least twice - once in rapids whilst white-water rafting in the Upper Shoalhaven River c.1988, the second time in the surf at Tweed Heads 2001. "It's peaceful."
Death doesn't scare me at all, thanks to both of these experiences.
I have a 'dent' (no, not 'Arthur' Dent...)
in the middle-top of my head, after getting my head stuck between the rails of a neighbours' front-gate as a 4-yo - sitting in an empty cardboard box being pushed along on a skateboard at 6 o'clock one morning. (The stoopid thing we did as kids, hey?!)
Best Friend in Primary School: Glen Barry - he had flaming red hair, and had a little brother, Russell. Sadly, I've totally lost contact with him. It was wonderful re-connecting with an old Primary Schoolmate again after 26 years', back in the early 2000's, and see how different lifes' journey make of people. Best Friend in High School: Ahmed Y - I was his best man on his wedding day in 1983.
I cannot believe that Zalai was still playing soccer with "The Slashers" - continuously since 1982 right upto 2002!!! Wow! Memories of Bathtub Parties at Gents haunt me - lol. We had a team mascot called 'Vomit the Pig' - what a worry! I haven't played soccer in years (I used to play left-half), but I enjoy watching a few games a year.
Richard B - Vale. I still can't believe you've gone. I vaguely follow Manly-Warringah Sea Eagles in the NRL Rugby League, and watched endless games at Brookvale Oval as a young teenager. I've always followed the NSW Blues in the Rugby League... living in Qld for 18 months (2012-2013) saw me cop a lot of friendly $#it as a result.
I used to enjoy rowing as the bowman in an 'Eight' at school. We were Public Schoolboys (ie. scum), and absolutely whipped the GPS (ie. Private School snots) boats! Apparently, my 'technique' of dipping in fractionally early was our coaches' preferred action for his bowman - I found out years' later - thanks Gibbbo!
My only brother - 10-years'-older than me - told me in 2002 (and again in 2013) that he didn't want me as part of his life any more. "This makes me very sad" (an understatement!) We had both suffered nervous breakdowns' within months' of each other. I miss him (an understatement). He is a good man, he just needs his own space at times, and I respect that. It's difficult, after becoming very close over quite a few years. STOP PRESS! The thaw is complete, and we are in positive communications and a 'good place' again - yay! I miss my dad very much. Even tho we didn't talk all that much, we had a very close 'connection' - we had so many things in common, and he was always 'just there,' you know? Is it really 20 years' already?! Love ya, ya ol' coot!
It's a very surreal situation to be in - having both your parents no longer here, and seeing their memorial plaques side-by-side! I'm an orphan.
I caught my dad's passion for sailing - 'wet-bum sailing'. I used to race 16' Skiffs out of Manly in Sydney Harbour every Saturday arvo for years... I had a season in a Flying 11 as well... Until recently, I'd been socially-sailing a 14-foot one-man sailing dinghy [a Laser] I called Wyreema II every Sunday at Carcoar Dam NSW. Well... I did, when there was water in the dam! That's the nasty side-effects after seven years of ongoing drought. Tho after all the recent flooding at the end of 2010/early 2011, the dam is almost full again - first time in over 10 years! Tho I unwisely sold it [in retrospect], before I moved to Qld in 2012.
The little sailing dinghy I had before the Laser was a "Solo" (cf photo above) (also called "Wyreema"), which was one of the best little boats I've ever had the pleasure to get wet with! I regret having parted with it, but such is life.
My left knee has become a little 'creaky' these days, so my time out sailing on my own is fairly limited, unfortunately. Riding a pushbike again (after a break of 35-ish years!) is also a bit of a daunting prospect as well, with a funny knee...
I always had an illogical fear of Dobroyd Heads' Bombora - even when we sailed right on top of it once. Yeeeesh!
Because my hands don't always 'co-operate' for me, I'll never be able to go sailing again.
I used to inadvertently get badly sunburnt at the beginning of each summer as a kid - somehow, my skin is still reasonably alright. Altho we lived within walking distance to the beach, when I was a child/teen, I rarely went to the beach.
I have a unreasonable fear of falling-over backwards - being tripped at ankle-height. I also have an unreasonable tendency to avoid walking across large manhole-covers as I'm walking in the street. Of course this is illogical, and 99.9% of the time I just walk right over the top of 'em nowadays! I've had 2 non-malignant but feral 'warts' removed in the last 14 years' - one on my left side, the other on my right shoulder/neck. All clear nowadays, tho. Click here for a full-colour photo-essay of my latest nudist swingers party, complete with live Volleyball-Net Cam feeds.
Jesus Christ (was [?] ) my Lord and Saviour, but "Christianity" and "church-life" are - as I've experienced it - disappointing and shallow. "Grace"? (Sounds great, but in practical reality...?)
If Jesus is who he says he is, the church has a hell of a lot to answer and account for.... Three years of Bible College taught me some great sociological translation skills... but now I have no use whatsoever for all the theological input I received. My first Christian role-models were: Greg Stigter, Barney Miller, Baden Wynn - all of whom still worship (Thank you All Saints Anglican Church, Balgowlah. Good memories).
I spent c.4 years as an "Evangelist-Missionary" around NSW, during the late 1990's. Most people think I am joking when I tell them this about me. Thesedays, I do not believe or follow such a line of thought.
I have never fitted into anyone's "box". I am not journeying with a (mainline evangelical) Christian church presently (or any organized religious group). I am 'learning to view the world through a different pair of glasses', and it's a refreshingly different experience to what I have ever known before. Some of my previous churched associates would be horrified to know that I have a practicing pagan as a good friend nowdays, as well as some agnostics and atheists, and even Liberal Christians too! I haven't had the 'religious' freedom to mix with non-believers freely in this way in 17 years! Loving it!
I'd describe myself as an "Pragmatic Agnostic" these days as well. Tis a long way from mainstream Protestant Evangelicalism for sure...
"Apathetic agnosticism (also called pragmatic agnosticism) is the view that there is no proof of either the existence or nonexistence of any deity, but since any deity that may exist appears unconcerned for the universe or the welfare of its inhabitants, the question is largely academic... that thousands of years of debate has neither proven, nor dis-proven, the existence of one or more deities (gods). This view concludes that even if one or more deities exist, they do not appear to be concerned about the fate of humans. Therefore, their existence has little impact on personal human affairs and should be of little theological interest." (Source) I won't willingly detract someone else from their own distinct spiritual journey, nor shove my own stumblings upon others.
I've experienced that some of the greatest hypocrites and destructive-gossipers proudly stand up and count themselves as 'Christians', much to their eternal shame. Please don't offend me by trying to 'preach' and 'convert' me, or by trying to make me one of your "pet evangelism projects". Treat me as a normal flawed human being, and I will respect you.
I remember being in Infants' School at Manly West [NSW] and watching the 1st moon landings on a large black-and-white TV in July 1969. I also remember throwing-up outside that same room too - I can still see a picture in my mind of the sawdust being spread from a red metal bucket all over the wooden floor. I remember where I was when:
- The Bold Street Bridge in Granville (Sydney NSW) collapsed
- I saw the Bear cry at the Moscow Olympics
- John Lennon was shot
- Australia II won the America's Cup
- I proposed to MJD (turned-down), and later to M (accepted)
- I first saw and held JD, my first-born (actually - all three of my precious boys)
- I first heard my father had died
- September 11th 2001
- I unhappily mailed-away the signed divorce papers
- 'Having a beer' with my only-brother for the very first time, only after our mum had passed away a few hours' earlier.
- I first heard that my oldest son was engaged.
The only stitches I've ever had were on the outside of my left knee, after I fin-chopped myself with my surfboard at Freshwater Beach as a teenager, c.1980. Needless to say - I was never very good at surfing!
I've broken most toes on both feet (incl. left big-toe twice!) - thru sailing as a teenager! There's not a whole lot they can do for a broken toe, except let them mend themselves! I never realised a toe had broken when I was out on the water - until trying to get out of bed the next morning, and falling over in pain! D'oh!
My passion for poetry and appreciation of literature
came from my Year 11 High School English Teacher, Rod Leonarder - I dedicate Robert Lowells
' "Skunk Hour"
to you - thank you!
My passion and joy of appreciation of all types and styles of music came from my High School Music Teacher, Antoinette Jameson - thank you for pushing me! The High School Maths' Master who dropped me three classes at once was a drunken ignoramus after lunchtime alcoholic binges at the RSL Club. My actual Maths' teacher looked on in horror and pity - unable to do anything - as it was announced in front of all my peers that I was being dropped three classes - thank you for your look of compassion. Dignity is not something to be thrown away.
The torturous situations that have happened to me/around me/because of me over the last c.8 years have left me quite emotionally scarred. I physically aged 10 years in just four years. In many ways, I am just a hollow shell of the person I once was. This distresses me. I used to think I didn't give a shit what other people thought of me - but "there's one thing you can't hide when you're crippled inside." If people don't like it when I wear my heart on my sleeve - that's their problem, not mine! It's hard for me these days knowing quite when to share and not to share my heart, as people have taken my heart/spirit for a ride one time too many. I also feel sorry and sad for the people who would think I am making this stuff up for my own ulterior motives or hidden agenda. I am NOT. (F##k you!)
I also don't expect anyone to ever read this far into this page! Contact me if you have and/or want to leave a comment or observation with me!
ON KILEY'S RUN
A.B. "Banjo" Paterson
The roving breezes come and go
On Kiley's Run,
The sleepy river murmurs low,
And far away one dimly sees
Beyond the stretch of forest trees --
Beyond the foothills dusk and dun --
The ranges sleeping in the sun
On Kiley's Run.
'Tis many years since first I came
To Kiley's Run,
More years than I would care to name
Since I, a stripling, used to ride
For miles and miles at Kiley's side,
The while in stirring tones he told
The stories of the days of old
On Kiley's Run.
I see the old bush homestead now
On Kiley's Run,
Just nestled down beneath the brow
Of one small ridge above the sweep
Of river-flat, where willows weep
And jasmine flowers and roses bloom,
The air was laden with perfume
On Kiley's Run.
We lived the good old station life
On Kiley's Run,
With little thought of care or strife.
Old Kiley seldom used to roam,
He liked to make the Run his home,
The swagman never turned away
With empty hand at close of day
From Kiley's Run.
We kept a racehorse now and then
On Kiley's Run,
And neighb'ring stations brought their men
To meetings where the sport was free,
And dainty ladies came to see
Their champions ride; with laugh and song
The old house rang the whole night long
On Kiley's Run.
The station hands were friends I wot
On Kiley's Run,
A reckless, merry-hearted lot --
All splendid riders, and they knew
The `boss' was kindness through and through.
Old Kiley always stood their friend,
And so they served him to the end
On Kiley's Run.
But droughts and losses came apace
To Kiley's Run,
Till ruin stared him in the face;
He toiled and toiled while lived the light,
He dreamed of overdrafts at night:
At length, because he could not pay,
His bankers took the stock away
From Kiley's Run.
Old Kiley stood and saw them go
From Kiley's Run.
The well-bred cattle marching slow;
His stockmen, mates for many a day,
They wrung his hand and went away.
Too old to make another start,
Old Kiley died -- of broken heart,
On Kiley's Run.
. . . . .
The owner lives in England now
Of Kiley's Run.
He knows a racehorse from a cow;
But that is all he knows of stock:
His chiefest care is how to dock
Expenses, and he sends from town
To cut the shearers' wages down
On Kiley's Run.
There are no neighbours anywhere
Near Kiley's Run.
The hospitable homes are bare,
The gardens gone; for no pretence
Must hinder cutting down expense:
The homestead that we held so dear
Contains a half-paid overseer
On Kiley's Run.
All life and sport and hope have died
On Kiley's Run.
No longer there the stockmen ride;
For sour-faced boundary riders creep
On mongrel horses after sheep,
Through ranges where, at racing speed,
Old Kiley used to `wheel the lead'
On Kiley's Run.
There runs a lane for thirty miles
Through Kiley's Run.
On either side the herbage smiles,
But wretched trav'lling sheep must pass
Without a drink or blade of grass
Thro' that long lane of death and shame:
The weary drovers curse the name
Of Kiley's Run.
The name itself is changed of late
Of Kiley's Run.
They call it `Chandos Park Estate'.
The lonely swagman through the dark
Must hump his swag past Chandos Park.
The name is English, don't you see,
The old name sweeter sounds to me
Of `Kiley's Run'.
I cannot guess what fate will bring
To Kiley's Run --
For chances come and changes ring --
I scarcely think 'twill always be
Locked up to suit an absentee;
And if he lets it out in farms
His tenants soon will carry arms
On Kiley's Run.
The Bulletin, 20 December 1890
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